1. |
Rose McGowan
02:04
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ROSE McGOWAN
CHARLES:
I do not subscribe to your rules
I do not subscribe to your language
You do not put labels on me or anybody
Step the fuck back
What I do is for the fucking world
And you should be fucking grateful
So shut the fuck up
Get off my back
What have you done?!
Because I know what I've done
Goddammit
I'm not worried
I'm fucking mad at the lies
I'm mad at the stereotypes
I'm mad that you put shit on me
Because I have a fucking penis
And I'm white
Or I'm black
Or I'm yellow
Or I'm purple
Fuck off
All of us want to say it
I just do.
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2. |
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THE YAK HAS SOMETHING TO SAY, PART 2
SARA:
And now everybody, the yak has something to say!
YAK:
(yak noises)
SARA:
Hmm... needs salt.
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3. |
Falling From Grace
03:30
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FALLING FROM GRACE
CHARLES:
I'm falling from grace
I'm losing my place, yeah
I'm falling from grace
There's blackheads on my face, now
I think my journey is ending here
As far as I'm concerned, the end is near
If this were the middle, I'd be Jimmy Eat World
But my fate keeps getting worse with every twist and twirl
CHARLES AND SARA:
Falling deep into the VOID
We are all getting paranoid
Falling dcep in the abyss
We haven't felt anything like this
CHARLES:
I'm just a disgrace
I'm a waste of space
That's how I've felt for a while
I'm almost in denial
My peak was in the distant past
Nobody cares about my self-righteous ass
Nobody listens to these songs
So hey there listener, please prove me wrong
CHARLES AND SARA:
Falling deep into the VOID
We are all getting paranoid
Nobody's gonna pull us out
We don't even know what we're singing about
SARA:
Na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na na
Na na na
CHARLES AND SARA:
Falling deep into the VOID
We are all getting paranoid
Nobody's gonna pull us out
We're falling hard like the Shout Out Louds
CHARLES:
Falling from the sun like The Album Leaf
I'll keep these references to other songs brief
This song is nearing the ending chord
So stick around, the rest of this album offers more.
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4. |
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WEEZER VS. THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS
CHARLES:
I used to be very into Weezer
But now I'm a They Might Be Giants fan
I used to be quite obsessed with Rivers
But now I'm into Linnell and Flans
I still enjoy listening to the Blue Album
And I still enjoy listening to OK Human
But now I'm into Lincoln and Apollo 18
Factory Showroom, John Henry and Glean
I don't know what happened in those 3 years
Was it that review of Here Come The ABCs?
Maybe I should've stuck to a Weezer album
How about Pacific Daydream?
I still enjoyed the new SZNZ EPs
But now I'm into "Birdhouse In Your Soul" and "Boss Of Me"
This isn't to say I'll never listen to Weezer again
But all They Might Be Giants' music is 10 out of 10
(The World's Address, I Palindrome I
Memo To Human Resources
Stalk Of Wheat, She's An Angel, She's Actual Size
Particle Man, Fingertips
Working Undercover For The Man, Robot Parade
Zeroes, Z Y X, Women And Men, E Eats Everything
Judy Is Your Viet Nam
Kiss Me Son Of God)
(The World Has Turned And Left Me Here
Everybody Get Dangerous
Surf Wax America, Ms. Sweeney
Don't Let Go, Island In The Sun
Buddy Holly, Pork And Beans, I Don't Want To Let You Go
Zombie Bastards, I'm Your Daddy, Beach Boys, Butterfly
Screens, Undone (The Sweater Song)
All My Favorite Songs)
I used to be very into Weezer
But now I'm a They Might Be Giants fan
I used to be quite obsessed with Rivers
But now I'm into Linnell and Flans.
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5. |
Things About Lena
02:46
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THINGS ABOUT LENA
CHARLES:
One, two, three, four!
LENA:
I have tan skin and I have black hair
I wear glasses so I can see way over there
My favorite colors are red, orange, pink and blue
I grew up accustomed to domestic abuse
John and John and Laurie
They would never ignore me
My mom and dad just hate me
But the kids appreciate me
I strive to be nothing like my mom and dad
But all the childrens' parents were just as bad
One mommy smoked crack right in front of her kids
One daddy beat them for the bad things he did
But here I stand before you
I would never ignore you
I love you and I care for you
I want to always be there for you
You can always give me a hug
This is because your parents don't give a fuck
And they don't pay me enough, nearly enough that I need
So I have no other choice, no other choice but to leave
I hereby desert you
I really don't wanna hurt you
But I called CPS on your dads and moms
So you'll hopefully be in someone else's arms
The foster system's a bitch, not gonna lie
I'm tired of singing this song, I think I'm gonna cry.
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6. |
Tragic Girl
05:14
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7. |
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8. |
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REST IN PEACE (RAISE A TOAST)
CHARLES:
We all have someone that we love
That death has taken from us
We all have someone that we need
But now they're resting in peace
We all have someone that we love
That death has taken from us
I got this bottle of champagne
So now let's raise a toast again
Raise your glass to those who've died
And to those who've said goodbye
Rest in peace, let's raise a toast
Woah oh, let's raise a toast
Woah oh, woah oh
Woah oh, woah oh
Rest in peace, let's raise a toast
Woah oh, let's raise a toast
We all have someone that we love
That death has taken from us
I need to satisfy my soul
Cos right now, there is a big hole
We all have someone that we love
But I'm for sure that they loved us
So now let's drink away the pain
And raise another toast again
Raise your glass to those who've died
And to those who've said goodbye
Rest in peace, let's raise a toast
Woah oh, let's raise a toast
Woah oh, woah oh
Woah oh, woah oh
Rest in peace, let's raise a toast
Woah oh
Raise your glass to those who've died
And to those who've said goodbye
Rest in peace, let's raise a toast
Woah oh, let's raise a toast
Woah oh, woah oh
Woah oh, woah oh
Rest in peace, let's raise a toast
Woah oh, let's raise a toast.
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9. |
The Acetate Soliloquy
00:48
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THE ACETATE SOLILOQUY
ACETATE:
I am an acetate
I'm also known as a dub plate
DJs spin me in the clubs when it's very late
You can play me a few times before I start to deteriorate
Play me, play me, play me, before I wither down
Into a bunch of nothing that you can play no more
Use me, use me, use me, until I am destroyed
Then, and only then, may you be satisfied
I may be a permanent etching of recorded history
But it's not all the time that you can use me
I may have the grooves of a long lost past
But use me too much, and it will simply not last.
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10. |
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THE APARTMENT IN THE EIFFEL TOWER
CHARLES;
There's an apartment in the Eiffel Tower
At the tippy top
Gustave Eiffel built it for himself
It was his private loft
Not many people were allowed in there
About a thousand feet in the air
He had a guest list of a few scientists
That he would entertain
But soon, word spread of his secret hiding place
Much to the elites' disdain
Not many people were allowed in there
About a thousand feet in the air
One thousand seventy five square feet where he stayed
A cozy room that Mr. Eiffel made
He conducted some experiments
In meteorology
That's why he needed a tower so tall
He probably just wanted to see
Not many people were allowed in there
About a thousand feet in the air
One thousand seventy five square feet where he stayed
A cozy room that Mr. Eiffel made
Not many people were allowed in there
About a thousand feet in the air
But you can visit the site today
That cozy room that Mr. Eiffel made is still standing today.
MICHAELIAN ALERT SYSTEM:
This is a test of the Michaelian Alert System. Scary tones, huh? Don't they really grab your attention? There's still no immediate danger. This is only a test, because nothing ever happens to us around here! If this had been an actual emergency, I would actually have something of substance to announce this time around! You know? Like, can we please get some tornadoes or somethin'? This concludes this test of the Michaelian Alert System.
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11. |
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EVERYBODY IS HAVING A PARTY
BARB:
...thank you Gail. I'm outside of 226 Apartment Lane, and there seemed to have been several noise complains filed against the residents who seem to be partying it up. Police say they've barracided the doors from the inside and, well, they just gave up while in pursuit of some more donuts.
CHARLES:
The weed is out and the molly is popping
We're drinking wine and nobody is stopping
It's New Year Eve and the last year is behind us
We're making noise, the neighbors still don't mind us
BEATRICE:
We're having lots of fun in here
Intoxicated but our minds are clear
We're doing drugs and drinking wine
We're having such a lovely time
LENA:
Everybody is having a party
Everybody is getting on down
Everybody is having a party
Everybody is moving around!
HANNA:
Clap your hands!
CHARLES:
Some Pink Moscato and a little roachclip
A sip of lean and I might just take another sip
And all our friends are surrounding us this evening
And it's a long time till we will all be leaving
BEATRICE:
We're getting hedonistic now
If you don't like it, you can get the fuck out
Cos we're doing what we love to do
We're getting buzzed and so are you
LENA:
Everybody is having a party
Everybody is getting on down
Everybody is having a party
Everybody is moving around!
HANNA:
Here it comes!
CHARLES:
A party like this comes once in a lifetime
We're doing drugs and drinking the wine
We're having fun and that's what matters
We're eating good like cheese and crackers
We got caviar on the table
2006 on the wine label
It's all about the community
Peace, love and unity
BEATRICE:
We're getting weird up in my house
If you think it's wrong then you can get the fuck out
We're only doing what we love to do
We're having fun and so are you
CHARLES:
The lights are shining, the odor is strong
And still we're singing this fuuuucking song
We're looking forward to 2023
And as for me, it's New Year's Eve
LENA:
Everybody is having a party
Everybody is getting on down
Everybody is having a party
Everybody is moving around!
BEATRICE:
Having lots of fun, having lots of fun
Having lots of fun, having lots of fun
Having lots of fun, having lots of fun
Having lots of fun.
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12. |
The Avocado Toast Recipe
00:35
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13. |
Redundancy Department
02:42
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REDUNDANCY DEPARTMENT
CHARLES:
At the Redundancy Department
Where redundancy is redundant
I found myself strolling on a walk
While chatting with my friend during a talk
In the Redundancy Department
They make redundant things redundant
You get your paychecks in the mail to get paid
You're scared of the things that make you afraid
If you can see me with your eyes
Then you can listen to me cry, oh why
If you can listen with your ears
You'll hate the words you're about to hear
At the Redundancy Department
Reiteration is important
I found myself utterly amused
Delighted, excited, and enthused
If you can see with your eyes
Then you can listen to me cry, oh why
If you can listen with your ears
You'll hate the words you're about to hear
Repitition legitimizes
And redunancy emphasizes
And repitition legitimizes
And repitition legitimizes
At the Legitimate Department.
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14. |
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NART'S HUGE BUCKET OF POUTINE
NART:
My name is Nart, and I'm a rat
Got a big heart inside my hat
I steal my food from the humans
And it's all good if they don't sense
My presence in their kitchen
Got all the humans cryin' and bitchin'
My name is Nart, I'm still a rat
Got a bucket of poutine on top of my hat
I stole this food the other day
I got a big story that I wanna say
So won't you listen to my plea?
Cos there's some humans hunting for me
I was listening to NEURA BURST by vai5000
When something caught my eye
It was a huge bucket of poutine sitting out in that kitchen
I had to make it mine
So I had to make my heist real quick
The only sound was the clock hands' tick
The humans had gone to the grocery store
I felt as if I would never come back for more
The chips and cheese and gravy
Was sitting forlorn, on the counter for me, WAH!
I dumped the contents of the plate
Into a bucket, it's still in a messy state
But nevermind, cos I got the poutine
And I wiped that whorehouse of a kitchen real clean
I carried that bucket for miles and miles
I jumped over litter and crawled under turnstiles
Bang bang a dang a danganangananga
Bang bang a dang a danganangananga
Wop bop bop bop a scooby dooby (etc)
I made my way past the urban terrain
And as I came home, my whole life changed
But somehow, the poutine stayed the same
Heh heh... UNH!
Do the Rat Boogie, y'all!
And a one, two, three, four and...
HANNA:
Nice saxophone.
CHARLES:
My name's Sammy.
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15. |
Clashing Stories
03:12
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CLASHING STORIES
BEATRICE:
Once upon a time there was a woman named Sue
Sue hated me, and she hates you too
We sat together for coffee one day
And Sue was completely in dismay
Apparently she was getting divorced
She wanted her husband to be forced
To give her complete custody
It's not so simple, don't you see?
Nobody I've ever met had said these things to me yet
Nobody I've ever known has called me up on the phone
Just to spew this shit at me, I'm too busy can't you see?
I've got shit to think about, can't someone just get me out?
I tried telling Sue some other time
I'm not in the mood to listen to her whine
And speaking of wine, all my bottles disappeared
It seems she stole them, and that's weird... SHIT!
This had really pissed me off
Aang, Katara, Sokka, Toph
And there's also Zuko too
But actually, I'm saying random shit to you
I'm just trying to leave you confused
What the hell are you going to do?
You are completely helpless now
Wow Wow Wubbzy, how brown cow
I feel kinda like Brendan Small
I don't know what to do at all
It's keeping me awake at night
I get the feeling something ain't right
All I hear is screaming in my head
I wish I knew how to make them dead
But I am simply mentally ill
I'd rather overdose on my happy pills
At least I can still watch the sports
I hope those asshole Cougars lose
My dad i-- actually, I don't have a dad
Now, is that good or is that bad?
I don't even know at this point
But it seems the Gators wo--
CHARLES:
Once upon a time there was a dog
The dog was filming a vlog
He was truly one of a kind
And he was completely out of his mind
Apollo was this little dog's name
And he liked to play psychological games
He liked to fuck with the viewer's brain
It's all so simple and so plain
Nobody I've ever met has been this good to me yet
Nobody I've ever known wanted to throw me a bone
All they ever do to me is leave me here in misery
I've got shit to think about, can't someone just get me out?
I tried watching his video once
It seemed to me that Apollo was a dunce
I couldn't keep it on after 2 minutes through
I hate watching vloggers on YouTube... SHIT!
This had really pissed me off
I smiled and smirked and also scoffed
I'm better than this piece of trash
But actually, I might be just as bad
I'm just trying to lay down and relax
But I can't even fucking do that
My phone is at 10 percent
How do I charge it again?
I feel tired, but I can't sleep
I hear the microwave, beep beep beep
It's keeping me awake at night
I get the feeling something ain't right
All I hear is beeping from the microwave
I wish there was something cooking today
But I'm too poor to afford a meal
I'd rather eat chicken than pork or veal
I'm a choosey beggar of sorts
I hope those cocksucking Cougars lose
My dad just turned on the football game
And they're gonna say the player's names
My friend is in the marching band
She's got a clarinet i--
JENNICA:
Once upon a time there was a little raccoon
Who ate from my trash, from sun to moon
The poor little bastard always made a mess
And I was completely in distress
A poor little bastard, yes it was
I want to take this bitch and just
Cut its stupid head off too
It's all so simple, pee pee poo
Nobody I've ever met has done this shit to me yet
Nobody I've ever known has tried taking my cellphone
And thrown it over the sand dunes, I just hate this dumb raccoon
I've got shit to think about, can't someone just get me out?
I tried grabbing this leech on the earth
And choking him out for all that he was worth
But instead, he gave me rabies and
I got a bite mark on my hand, SHIT!
This had really pissed me off
I started to get a nasty cough
And I got influenza too
But actually, I don't have the flu
I'm just trying to skip my classes
And I can't find my sunglasses
If I cannot wear my shades
How will I look tsundere?
I feel like an ugly motherfuck
I live in the city, so it's just my luck
The noise keeps me awake at night
I get the feeling something ain't right
All I hear is sirens and gunshots
I wish I knew how to make it stop
But I'm too poor to move away
I'd move to the suburbs, and that's where I'd stay
I might get interested in sports
I hope those motherfucking Cougars lose
My dad was a Cougar, and I hope he wins
Does anybody notice my narrative spins?
If you are listening to this song
Please go fuck yourse--
BARB:
Once upon a time, there was a CPA
And I abruptly joined them one day
The psychiatric field ain't right
And I was completely ready to fight
Apparently, this is 1984
And all the psychiatric wards
Are desperately in need of taking down
It's just so simple, fuck you clowns
Nobody I've ever met has practiced eugenics yet
Nobody I've ever known has thrown my dogma a bone
Science just ain't on our side, we just can't be satisfied
I've got shit to think about, can't someone just get me out?!
I tried my own smear campaign
And then it failed me, so I feigned
A mental disorder like ADHD
And claimed they're being ableist to me, SHIT!
This had really pissed me off
It's just not worth it to be soft
So I just hardened my outer shell
But actually, that made my life more Hell
I'm just trying to lie to the Left
This is because I'm so bereft
Of any sincerity, I'm afraid
Wow, look at this mess I've made!
I feel like a real activist
Even though I've never raised my fist
And Twitter keeps me awake at night
I get the feeling something ain't Right
All I hear is science, every which way
I wish I knew what I needed to say
But I am truthfully on the Right
I'd rather just LARP to give you a fright
I'm fearmongering instead of watching the sports
I hope those goddamn Cougars lose
My dad disapproves of my cursing traits
If he wants me to stop, then he can just wait
What has he ever done for me?
I haven't seen him in fif--
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16. |
Presto Changeo!
01:03
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PRESTO CHANGEO!
ELI AND LESLEY:
Presto changeo, oh
You're gonna turn into beans or sneakers, sandals or gloves (you will become a bike)
Presto changeo, oh
You will inexplicably become anything I'm thinking of (you'll be whatever I like)
If I feel like a shopping spree
You will become a bank account with milyins just for me
Presto changeo, oh
You will become a magazine with X rated pics (you will become a car)
Presto changeo, oh
Magic makes me do some crazy shit like this (you're gonna go very far)
If I feel like sailing out to sea
You will become a vessel housing my crew and me.
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17. |
Beginning Of Ummm
03:00
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BEGINNING OF UMMM
SARA:
B A G A Dmaj7
B A G A F#m
E G A
Em G A
B A G A Dmaj7
B A G A F#m
E G A
Em G A
C A C A
B A G A Dmaj7
B A G A F#m
E G A
Em G A
C A C A
C A D G
B A G A Dmaj7
B A G A F#m
E G A
Em G A.
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18. |
Middle Of Ummm (Skit)
05:25
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MIDDLE OF UMMM (SKIT)
CUT TO
INT. BEATRICE'S APARTMENT - MIDDAY
We see BEATRICE sitting on her green sofa as she sips her cup of coffee and lets out a nice, hearty "ahhh" of enjoyment. She starts talking to the viewer.
BEATRICE:
You have now reached the Middle of Ummm. Since you're here, I might as well tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a-- wait I already told that one. Here's a new one. Once upon a time, there was a--
(BEATRICE hears a knock on the door.)
BEATRICE:
Oh lovely, a visitor! Come in!
(The door opens, and CHARLES is seen standing in the doorway. They have several wounds, bruises and even an open cut along their chest.)
BEATRICE: (in shock)
Oh, my goodness, Charles! Come in right now!
(CHARLES lets themselves in, silently. They begin to faint and BEATRICE catches them.)
BEATRICE: (with tears in her eyes)
What the fuck happened?!
CHARLES: (labored)
I failed... I couldn't change the world... I couldn't even chase the clout...
BEATRICE: (panicking)
Charles, I... I don't know what to say! I'm so sorry this happened! Do you need anything?!
CHARLES: (still labored)
I need Band-Aids... I'm stuck on 'em...
BEATRICE: (worriedly)
Because Band-Aid's stuck on you?
CHARLES: (coughs a little)
Yeah... I need water... I need the Fiji water... straight out of an aquifer in the Republic of Fiji... the only water that's--
BEATRICE: (starting to get annoyed with Charles's consumerism)
--the only water that's upfront with its water source, I know. Look, just-- just lay down on the couch. I'll try to administer some sort of antiseptic treatment on the lower larynx abdominal features...
(BEATRICE moves into the kitchen, and tries to retrieve her First Aid kit. It is nowhere to be found.)
CHARLES:
That doesn't even make sense--
BEATRICE:
Well, this isn't supposed to be medically accurate like Grey's Anatomy!
CHARLES: (getting sidetracked a little)
I thought they were medically inacc-- I thought this was the Middle of Ummm!
BEATRICE:
It is, and apparently the Middle of Ummm consists of you coming in here and spewing corporatism at me while I--
(CHARLES begins coughing up blood. BEATRICE, shocked, immediately and instinctively reaches for her cellphone.)
BEATRICE: (shocked)
Holy fucking shit! I'm calling 911!
CHARLES:
Don't call 911... I have a warrant for my cardiac arrest...
(BEATRICE dials 911 anyway.)
911 DISPATCHER: (over the phone)
911, what the hell's your emergency?
BEATRICE: (screaming her dusty, millennia-old, recycled-from-Adam's-rib-cage lungs out)
GET ME A FUCKING DOCTOR NOW!!!
911 DISPATCHER: (over the phone)
Geez, okay, sorry.
(BEATRICE gets another knock on her door.)
BEATRICE: (yelling loudly - like a fortissimo with a staccato and an accent, very punctual)
NO!!
PIZZA DELIVERYBOY: (from outside the door)
Hey, I'm here with your pizza! Should I just leave it outside the door?
BEATRICE: (yelling, not quite as loud - like a forte or a mezzoforte)
I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR PIZZA, YOU CAN HAVE IT!!
911 DISPATCHER:
I'm sorry, is this about a fuckin' pizza? Jeez, I CAN'T EVEN with you dopey dopes...
(The 911 DISPATCHER hangs up the calls. The PIZZA DELIVERYBOY skedaddles. BEATRICE falls to the kitchen floor on her knees, and CRIES.)
CHARLES: (also about to cry)
Beatrice... Beatrice, I'm sorry...
BEATRICE: (sobbing)
No! I should be sorry! This skit has been going on for way too long! The runtime of this skit is longer than any of the skits on Maddie by RoarTheRapper!
(Suddenly, CHARLES's scars, wounds, bruises and even the open cut across their chest, vanish instantly.)
CHARLES: (suddenly chipper)
Well, squeeze me around like a snake! I was okay the entire time!
BEATRICE: (sniffles)
WHAT?!
CHARLES:
You bet! I was just trying to create THE ULTIMATE SKIT, the skit to END ALL SKITS!
BEATRICE: (turning fucking ANGRY)
Talk about schiz! You're a goddamn lunatic, Charles! You had me worried fucking sick! Somebody ought to throw you in the Betty Hardwick Center.
(The last part of BEATRICE's line, "Somebody ought to throw you in the Betty Hardwick Center", echo around CHARLES's head as they contemplate their life choices and also turn angry. CHARLES stands completely still, like a statue.)
CHARLES: (yelling)
Hey look here BEATRICE, only my mom gets to say that shit to me! I created this Universe, and I can fucking destroy it too!
BEATRICE: (still upset, but trying to calm things down)
SHUT UP, CHARLES!!! You know what? Maybe you shouldn't have done all that. Maybe faking physical injuries isn't cool. And maybe, juuuust maybe, this whole Narcissistic Delusion thing is going too far, and you probably actually ARE narcissistic and delusional. You say this is all just an act, but how self-serving is this, actually?
CHARLES: (their tone slowly turns from angry to shameful)
I... I... I...
BEATRICE: (sighs, calms down)
Look, what I need you to do is go away. Just go away like this is that old Façade game from 2005. (as an aside) Man, 2005 was such a great year, but anyways... (back to CHARLES) And hey. I need you to do something else for me, too.
CHARLES:
Yes?
BEATRICE:
I need you to stay away from me, until January 1, 2024. It's that bad. What you've done just undid SO MUCH Progress that you've made. Not just with me as your neighbor, but with EVERYONE in your Universe. You need to take some time to reflect on that. Think about why so many people think that's how you really act out there, even though at least I know how you really are. You're not the asshole you portray yourself as onstage. I love you so much Charles, I really do, but even I need to take breaks for my mental health. See you on New Year's. Goodbye.
CHARLES: (waving sadly)
Goodbye, Beatrice.
(CHARLES slowly exits out the door, and BEATRICE closes it behind them.)
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19. |
End Of Ummm
02:17
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END OF UMMM
BARB:
Sara went to the grocery store
And picked up some vegetables and fruits
"Fruits are ovaries from trees
And vegetables are roots"
That's what she said to herself
As she stood in the checkout line
The cashier asked her, "How was your shopping?
Did you find everything you needed to find?"
Sara replied, "it was okay"
And the cashier scanned her foods
Fruits are ovaries from trees
And vegetables are roots.
ROARTHERAPPER:
Sara brought in the sun like the summer rain
Passed both double doors, always felt the same
Giggling like the ding of the automated system
Letting the other shoppers know the sun was coming
It's the kind of day that makes you wanna experiment
Getting the new kind of meat and vegetable variant
Trying new things, waiting up and see what happens
Getting protein and take all your vitamins
Something so simple, some would say trivial
New mindset is so subliminal
As in if you're basking and being happy
In the moment, life seems so weightless
Unlike the lines, but that's fine, she's chatting
Up every shopper while she's reflecting
On what they got, and what she's forgetting
Oh, that's right, gotta go get some coffee
For the moment, the sun is shining
And we're taking our time reminding
That every single thing in our lives
Can be done more slowly
Sara brought in the sun like a summer rain
Passed both double doors, always felt the same
Giggling like the ding of the automated system
Let the other shoppers know the sun was coming.
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20. |
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21. |
Hanna Says Her Piece
04:40
|
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HANNA SAYS HER PIECE
HANNA:
I am a girl
I'm 29 years old
That's one more than 28
And one less than 30
At midnight (12 o'clock)
I will eat a baker's dozen of cupcakes
And the frosting writing on the cupcakes says,
"Wake up BITCH, you're turning 30!"
Now I'm turning 30 because it's April 4 again
And my stupid friends are going to have a stupid child together
And I will hate this stupid child that my stupid friends are having!
I'm so jealous!
Why am I jealous?!
I don't even want kids!
I mulled over this thought for several hours as I stuffed my mouth with all 13 cupcakes.
(Oh yes, there was 13 cupcaaaaaaakes!)
And also, I drank a bunch of cookies,
And I ate some watermelon soda...
Only to return to my cataclysmic state of sleep.
I laid down in my bed, but my pajamas got a bit itchy.
So I got back up, and checked the time
(Time is marching on...)
It's 2 in the morning.
I did some chores,
I watched TV,
I even practiced the guitar (which I suck at, not gonna lie)
And then I shouted at God.
I said to God,
"Goddammit God! Why do I suck at guitar?!"
God spoke directly to me. He said,
"Uh, lemme check with the Divine Programmers on that."
So he left, and then he came back an hour later, and I just blurted out,
"God, you think you're so great!"
God replied, "Well, I am pretty big."
I retorted, "Yeah, you're okay. You're just not as great as you used to be."
Out of the blue, God asked, "How come I don't see you around anymore, Hanna?"
And then I told him how I really felt.
I said, "To be honest, I don't like the idea of associating with someone who talks directly to people like Kenneth Copeland and Joel Osteen and those folks..."
God was silent.
I smirked.
I scoffed.
I chuckled.
I coughed.
And all I said at that point was, "Bye bye, Mr. God!"
And he hasn't said anything to me ever since.
That's when I realized...
God was actually a woman this whole time...
The message is clear: I AM GOD!
...
BUT THAT'S NOT THE END OF IT!
I secretly and hurriedly dashed and dotted my way through the tiny halls of my large and expansive apartment,
And I grabbed my Nintendo Switch
And I started typing on the Script Editor
Where I can (and will) proceed to write anything and everything, all of the time
I used all 11 of those fingertips of mine to type the script for my MASTERWORK!
It's gonna be an animated film that I'll totally complete in my lifetime, I swear you guys!
And as I typed it up, I recited what I was typing to myself in a grandiose sort of voice.
This is what I started typing.
"IN A FUTURE TIME
CHILDREN WILL WORK TOGETHER
TO BUILD A GIANT SCULPTURE OF GEORGE WASHINGTON'S HEAD
BUT THEY WILL ONLY EVER COMPLETE THREE QUARTERS OF IT
SO THEY'LL MAKE A LITTLE BIRDHOUSE INSTEAD"
And then I got even more carried away with the They Might Be Giants references!
Like, for example, the next track on this album!
TAKE IT AWAY!
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22. |
Hide Away Folk Family
03:17
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23. |
|
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24. |
Presto Changeo! Again
01:02
|
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|
PRESTO CHANGEO! AGAIN
ELI AND LESLEY:
Presto changeo again
I stole a wand from the magic store and now I'm doing well (look at what I've got)
Presto changeo again
Can't you tell this shitshow is contrived as all hell? (I am passionate a lot)
(Everything is just sunshine today)
The sun is burning my fucking skin and the rainbows need an epilepsy warning
Presto changeo again
Everybody stand up tall and tilt your head to the sky (God, I love me)
Presto changeo again
Sometimes it just turns out that way and I don't know why (contrived as can be)
This might be the end of this song
(I think it actually is, because it didn't last long!)
|
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25. |
I Want To Tell You
02:25
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26. |
|
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THE YAK HAS SOMETHING TO SAY, PART 3
BARB:
Breaking news! We've just received word that... uh huh... yuh... mhm... that THE YAK ONCE AGAIN HAS SOMETHING TO SAY!
YAK:
(yak noises)
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27. |
|
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Charles Michael
If I don't release something on June 13 or October 31 of any given year, please assume something dreadful happened to
me.
Hi, I'm Mx. Charles Michael (they/them) and I make music for my Universe.
If you enjoy what I do, please support me on KO-FI:
ko-fi.com/charlesmichael1397
MANAGEMENT: Sara Alexander - sararosealex1999@gmail.com
... more
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